(this is long ... and very real. So sorry about the gory details)
I went to my 41 week checkup with my midwife the day after I turned 41 weeks. So 8 days overdue ... and I was SERIOUSLY done at this point. SO tired of being pregnant. I woke up that morning, August 4th, depressed that I even had to go, I had hoped the baby would come in the night. I remember talking to my sister that morning and telling her nothing was happening and hoping maybe it would be that night.
When I got to the appointment at 10:00 am, we talked about what we could do to get labor going as naturally as possible, and then what we would do if it didn't happen. She said that she'd check my cervix and stir it up a little and see if that would help, and I was all for that.
She checked for dilation and said, "you're not going to believe this, you're a 5 ... no wait, a 6 ... hold on you're getting a contraction, let me see what happens ... it's a really good one too ... oh, now you're a 7." She had a concerned look on her face and said that my water was so tight that if she had touched it she was afraid it would break and we'd have a baby right then. I went to the bathroom to get cleaned up and came back and she said that I should probably call Matt to have him drive me home and that I was most definitely in labor.
I was shocked. I hadn't even felt any contractions worth noting. And I was a 7? Well I went and picked Matt up from work (a 2 minute drive) and we drove home. The whole way home I was having contractions 3 minutes apart, but they weren't painful, just slightly crampy. While we drove home Matt was getting concerned telling me I should call my midwife back and tell her to come now ... I told him I thought we could wait until we got home. I was right. :) We made it home fine.
Once we were home I felt comfortable just getting ready for having a baby. I called the midwife within 15 minutes of being home and told her they were coming 3 minutes apart consistently. She had told me to call her once they were pretty close together, thinking I'd be calling at some point that day ... not knowing it would be right when we got home. She said she and her assistant were on their way.
At this point I still didn't really believe I was in labor. I kept telling Matt that I felt bad for calling them (the midwives) and hoped that everything didn't just stop .... although I knew logically if I was 7 centimeters dilated it was probably happening soon ... it just didn't hurt enough to be in labor I thought.
Anyway ... they got to our house about 11:45. They set stuff up, I bounced on the birth ball, we watched the movie When In Rome. We talked, laughed at the movie ... my mom was in and out, the kids were in and out. It was REALLY relaxed. SO different than any labor I'd ever had. I remember even saying to everyone that I didn't feel like I was about to have a baby. And the contractions still didn't hurt. They were a little more intense pressure wise, and maybe slightly more crampy, but not painful really. My midwife said I probably have a high pain threshold.
At around 1:00 I went into the tub ... I remember it being that time because it was Quinn's nap time, and I thought once he was in a nap it would be easier for me to relax. The contractions at this point were more intense ... I had to breath through them a little, but very manageable in the warm water. I LOVED the tub! Ingenious!! The part that was most noticeable to me this way, versus the hospital pitocin induced way is that between the contractions I felt totally normal. Like I wasn't in labor at all. I can remember saying many many times during the time I was in the tub how boring this was. I'd have a contraction and breath through it with my eyes closed and head bowed (somehow that was my favorite position ... sitting in the lotus position in the tub) and then once it was over I'd just resume the conversation with whoever I had been talking to. I can remember laughing and feeling totally normal between each contraction. It was kind of easy.
I was in the tub until I delivered Isla. I had to get out several times to use the bathroom, and the contractions I had on the toilet were so much worse than the ones in the tub, so I told everyone I would not be leaving the tub again. We had to empty some of the water out and add more hot a few times, but it worked well.
So obviously the contractions got closer together and more intense ... but I never felt like I couldn't do it until about 4:00. and I only know that was the time because my midwife said the first time I had gotten teary and felt like it was really painful was a half hour before Isla was born. I think though, that I totally lost track of time, because it all felt way longer than it actually was. I just know when I got teary that first time, after that I was in serious pain and I started to feel like I couldn't do it anymore. I specifically remember one contraction sitting with my head down against the side of the tub and just bursting into tears and seriously not knowing how I could do it anymore. Obviously this was transition and it was really close, but while I was in it it just felt impossible and long. Still though, between the contractions it wasn't painful ... I think I was just resting and trying to get geared up for the next one. At this point I mostly stopped talking and looking around and I just sat waiting for the next one.
So, having lost track of time, and not really being aware of what was happening around me, I know at some point I said "I think I pushed that time" and the midwife said, "it sounded like it, just go with it next time" or something like that. So the next contraction, which happened WAY too soon for my liking, I tried to push a little and it hurt so bad I felt out of control, like I couldn't even push if I wanted to. It was just too painful. I know I just sat there and cried and kind of grunted ... which I guess is sort of pushing. I was kneeling at the side of the tub at this point, but I knew it was too hard for me to keep my balance and so the midwife suggested I just sit back. I sat back and said I was hot and I guess someone put a cold washcloth on the back of my neck, which felt SO good ... I think it was Matt?
Next contraction maybe (seriously, I could never begin tell you how you just lose track of everything ... it felt like hours that this half hour span of time happened) I knew I had to push, and my body was just doing it, but the pain was so intense I felt like I couldn't manage it. But it happened. She was coming down and I could feel the burning pain, which was awful. I remember saying "it burns" which now seems silly to say, but at the time I just felt like I had to say it. I also started being very vocal and saying I couldn't do it, it hurt too much, and a lot of "OWWWWWWW!" It was really really intense.
So I guess her head came out ... and I remember them saying it was coming and I wish I had thought to look, but I had my eyes closed because the pain was unbearable so at that point I didn't care to look. I just needed to get through this. The midwife said once her head was out it would feel better and it would be easier to get her body out, and I could hear her telling me this, but they said her head was out and it didn't feel better. It felt equally bad or worse than it had. I didn't get any breaks at this point, it was just searing pain. I knew I had to push past it to get it gone, so I just pushed as hard as I could, and I felt like I couldn't push any harder, but her body just came out. I could actually feel her come down and feel the bulk of the body come out and the lessening pain as her legs came next. And seriously, not instantly, but really quickly, the pain was SO much less. It wasn't really pain anymore, just burning (from the stretching).
The midwife's assistant (I think??) pulled her out of the water and put her on my chest, the midwife put a hat on her really quickly and a warm blanket, and I opened my eyes and looked at my new baby. I remember looking at her and being amazed, and panting because of the intensity of the ordeal we had just endured. It was incredible. I think I said "ow, that hurt" and "oh that was horrible" but I knew it was over and I would only feel better after that. I was SO relieved. Isla's official birth time was 4:27 pm (I think :))
Isla looked great they said. She was pink and perfect. Not crying too much, just kind of laying on me blinking her little eyes. I remember trying to reposition her and feeling her cord pulling on the placenta still inside of me ... which was a little uncomfortable ... I think it was ready to come out. So I said how long do we wait to deliver the placenta and they said we could do it any time. I said I was ready and I unwound the cord from around Isla's leg, she was a little caught up, and then they clamped the cord and Matt cut it.
I felt really weak and didn't think I'd even be able to lift Isla to give her to Matt, so the midwife's assistant took her, wrapped her in a clean towel and gave her to Matt. At this point I can probably spare you all the details, here's a quick recap: delivered the placenta, commented on how red the bath water was, said I thought I'd like to take a quick shower, tried to stand up and realized how weak and shakey I was, got in the shower and just sat there for a minute trying to regain my strength a little, with a little help I got into the bed with a clean shirt on and got to hold Isla.
And she was perfect. I looked at her hands and feet and her massive amount of hair. Her eyes and nose, which was a tiny bit crooked, and her ears ... one was slightly folded in on itself which has now righted itself. I remember remarking on how heavy she was and everyone agreed, that she was a BIG girl. I nursed her for a few minutes, which she wasn't too into right then. While I sat there holding her I just remember thinking I couldn't believe I actually had a baby at home in my bathroom. and that I actually did it. I was impressed with myself, to say the least.
While I was getting cleaned up Matt had taken Isla out to meet all of her new siblings. Thankfully they took pictures of that. They were all really pleased of course. My mom had been in the bathroom when I had her and so she had gotten to see the whole thing.
Once I was ready the midwife took Isla to just check her out. And she did indeed look great. Everyone was curious to see her weight because she was so chubby and heavy. She weighed 9 pounds and 1 ounce. My biggest baby! Her length was 20 1/4 inches long. I told the midwife that she had said while I was pushing that once the head was out it would be easier after that, and I said that it hadn't felt easier it had felt harder, and as she was measuring her head and chest she said it was because her chest was actually bigger than her head ... so I hadn't just imagined that!
Anyway ... Isla checked out great. They looked at me and I had no tearing, which frankly I find amazing, and everything else looked great. We had both done wonderfully! A true blessing!!
This whole experience has been amazing in so many ways.
Amazingly trying; going 8 days past due was so hard for me. I'm not a patient person. And this was my hardest pregnancy I think. It was just tough.
Amazingly painful; the pregnancy and the birth. Ow.
Amazingly intense; honestly, I wanted to do a home birth, and I don't know why. Several years ago I thought people who did home births were crazy. I didn't think I could handle the pain. But for some reason this time I felt impressed to do it. And so I prepared myself as much as I could, I read everything I could get my hands on, and I said to myself that I can do anything. And I did. I don't know how I did it, but I did it.
Amazingly miraculous; we all know how miraculous the whole process of pregnancy and birth is. And each time I do it I'm reminded once again the miracle that our bodies are. The Creator designed them to work and they do! I created a person. She is sitting next to me right now breathing and perfect. How could anyone doubt the eternal design in that? I'm certain that this is my job on earth. To raise my family and teach them of the miracle of life and what they can make of the one they were given.
I looked at Isla once were sitting alone in the bedroom the night she was born and I said "We did it. You're here. You finally have your body. You are a blessed girl." and I knew that I had helped in something she couldn't do for herself. What a blessing. I'm in love!
and just for fun ...
